What is the meaning of ring before spring?

What comes to mind when you hear “spring”? Some of you might think about plans for your spring break adventure. For others of you, it is all about spring cleaning. Perhaps it drums up pleasant thoughts of nature in full bloom. And then others of you may be focused on the common Christian-college phenomenon known by many as “ring by spring.”

“Ring by spring” is a phrase that has become associated with young Christian singles eagerly seeking out a spouse at Christian universities everywhere. The goal, especially for ladies, is to get an engagement ring by the time spring arrives. Some say that Christian universities are more about finding a spouse than getting an education.

Personally, I attended a Christian university for my undergraduate work, and there was definitely an emphasis on finding a spouse by the time you received a diploma. Several of my friends and acquaintances paired up as early as freshman year, getting engaged before our first year of schooling was complete. While some envied their relational status, others scoffed at their eagerness to get married rather than educated.

There was a division among the student body. Half of the students resented the stereotype of Christian universities as mere spousal breeding grounds rather than serious educational institutions. The other half relished the opportunity of having a prime pool of potential lifelong suitors. So, which half is right?

There is certainly a level of negativity aimed at Christian universities concerning this subject of students “rushing” to find a spouse before graduation. Rather than focusing on who is right or wrong, it is important to discuss the issues and concerns surrounding finding a spouse during college. Is it a bad thing? Is it smart? Can you have both? These are valid and significant questions to examine further.

Prime Time
It’s not a bad idea to consider college as a great opportunity for finding a spouse. In fact, colleges everywhere, Christian and non-Christian, have long been considered a prime place to meet that special someone to spend the rest of your life with. Recently, though, as society has begun to push the value of securing a career, social status, and independence combined with higher divorce rates that are discouraging people from pursuing marriage, the number of people walking away from college with a diploma and a spouse is decreasing.

Christian universities come under fire sometimes because so many of their students are eager to get married while attending, but I am arguing that is a good sign. The amount of young people delaying marriage and opting to cohabitate, “hook up,” and/or engage in premarital sexual activity is increasing. So, Christian students who are eager to find a spouse are often deterred from doing things that are outside of God’s intended plan. In 1 Corinthians 7:9, God’s word tells us, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Marriage is a real blessing and gift from God, so it’s understandable that people are excited for it.

The Problem
The problem arises when people get so caught up in finding a spouse that they do not carefully consider their selection. Instead of being patient, discerning, prayerful, and thorough, they rush the process. Rushed dating relationships that lead into marriage are often disastrous, marked by volatility, disappointment, pain, and often divorce. It’s critical to take the time to get to know the person you desire to marry and discover if he or she is the best fit for you.

Another potential issue occurs when students are paying a lot of money to be in school but aren’t focusing on getting an education. If your primary focus is simply to find a spouse, you might want to consider a less expensive route than college. Private universities are especially expensive, so neglecting your educational purposes is not a frugal decision. Besides, an education is really important and beneficial to have. Focusing on your schooling rather than hunting down a potential mate is a wise choice that leaves the match-making up to God. When you set your heart and mind on pursuing God’s will for your life, it gives Him the freedom to write a much better story for your life, including the chapter on love. That doesn’t mean you isolate yourself; it means that you busy yourself with pursuing His purpose for your life, and the rest will be taken care of (Matthew 6:33). Instead of grabbing the reins of your life, allow God to do the driving, and He will provide the absolute best for you.

Wedding or Marriage?
While this is another likely problem and could have been included above, I wanted to make sure to highlight it separately because of its prominence. Being excited and eager for marriage is a wonderful thing, but the important question to ask yourself is, “Am I excited for marriage or for a wedding?” All too often young people are so caught up in getting that engagement ring and planning a wedding that they forget the wedding is secondary to the real goal – marriage.

A marriage isn’t a wedding day or a shiny ring. It’s not a huge reception with cake and toasts. Those are fun, but they are not a marriage. A marriage is the day in and day out commitment to your spouse for the rest of your life. It’s working through the problems, enjoying the good times, demonstrating love consistently, extending grace and forgiveness often, and working to be a better person and spouse daily. It is a lifelong journey with this special person you picked that has valleys, mountain tops, plateaus, rivers, storms, sunshine, and everything else imaginable. A wedding day is simply a celebration and entrance into marriage, which is the real prize.

Make sure that you assess if you are ready for marriage, not just the glitz and glamor of arranging a wedding day. It can be easy, especially for the ladies, to get stuck in the planning instead of the purpose. Rushing into marriage because you are anticipating that ring on your finger and the perfect wedding day you’ve been dreaming about your whole life, can end disastrously. Plan for the marriage, not just the wedding day.

Making Sense of it
The bottom line is that finding a spouse is a real priority for people, and it’s not a bad one to have. Marriage is an amazing gift from God that strengthens, enriches, and blesses life here on earth. Whether you plan on getting married in college or out of college, you are looking for a spouse or not so much, or you are career-oriented or just looking to get a degree, what matters is your focus. Pursue God’s purpose and calling on your life first. Then make sure you are not forcing your own love story but allowing God to do the orchestrating. And finally, focus on planning for your marriage and not just a wedding day.

By Brittney Matthews | Photo Editor

The “ring by spring” culture at Christian universities has become an unspoken requisite that places unnecessary pressure on students, scrambles perceptions of marriage and can distract from students’ studies.

“Ring by spring” is the cultural norm for Christian universities where students get engaged to a significant other before they graduate from college. You say the term at any Christian college and it is instantly recognized.

Stacy Keogh George, assistant professor of sociology at Whitworth University, conducted research on the “ring by spring” culture on Christian campuses and how exactly it came to be. George asked students from a Christian university with a size of 2,500 undergraduates to participate in a survey that asked about their marital status and what their views on dating culture were.

“While students and faculty may joke about the marriage-obsessed ring by spring culture, it dispenses a social psychological burden that follows students, particularly women, throughout their undergraduate experience,” George said.

The sources of pressure vary with the identified groups being peers, family, church and society in general. Based on George’s findings, it also seems that women feel more pressure than men to get married, and there is a correlation of more pressure being felt the more students go to church.

I am the daughter of a pastor so I can attest to this pressure greatly. It was set into my mind early on that I am supposed to date to marry, and that marrying someone is a key stage of life that I can’t miss out on. There is constant pressure to find someone so I can give my parents grandchildren and not be alone my whole life, as if marriage is the only way I can be happy.

My parents have done a great job raising me, but these notions that have been set in stone are difficult to overcome as my idea of success and my parents’ idea of success vary greatly. I believe that happiness and success is not found in marriage, but in doing what I love and doing it to give glory to God. Community can be found in so many other places than a significant other.

Coming to Baylor has amplified these pressures and skewed ideas of what success looks like. Baylor University’s associate chaplain and director of worship and chapel, Ryan Richardson, gave Baylor’s perspective of the “ring by spring” culture in an interview with The Chronicle.

“At Baylor University, administrators don’t push the ‘ring by spring’ idea,” Richardson said. “Marriage isn’t about the feelings of elation one feels when engaged. Rather, it’s about two individuals knowing each other intimately, which can occasionally create conflict.”

Baylor used to have an engaged-couples program offered once a semester, but it was discontinued after student interest in the program began to decline. Despite the program being discontinued, the “ring by spring” culture is still thriving on campus. There is the superstition of the “DTR” green and gold benches around campus where couples are known to sit to discuss the stages in their relationship. The superstition is that if you sit on a bench with the same person three times, that will be the person you marry.

I’m not sure if the social pressure to marry at Christian universities can ever be erased completely, but the universities can do a better job of addressing it. I think Baylor should reinstitute their couple program so that the engagements and marriages that do happen can be more successful. Offering classes about the different perspectives of marriage and success would also help educate students and widen their views and perspectives on the topic. It needs to be communicated to students that success and happiness are not determined by marriage.